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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Lentrot's LiveJournal:

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Friday, July 6th, 2007
10:23 pm
New user pic and stuff
I've changed my user pic to something a bit more representative of what I look like now. Felt that it was time.

A lot has happened since I last wrote anything here. Maybe the most important being that I have decided that I'm gonna become a woman, at least socially. I would like to take female hormones as well, but I'm not sure if the doctor will let me and I don't want to take it illegally. I'm not sure about surgery, if I can do without it that would be nice. I don't like the idea of having my body cut up, even if I might like the result. I don't know if I'm a transsexual or some kind of transgenderist. I haven't started to live like a woman openly yet, but in my mind I'm already a woman (or at least more like a woman than like a man) and I'm not trying very hard to hide it. So now people think that I'm a feminine probably gay guy! Which isn't quite right, I'm actually closer to being a gay woman. Yeah, my interest for men is so low that I think I'm going lesbian. Or more exactly, I always wanted to be a lesbian and I never liked guys that much in the first place, so I think I'm gonna stop calling myself bisexual.
Sunday, May 14th, 2006
12:08 am
I never update this thing like I should, but here is a snapshot of my life. A couple of weeks ago I went to the only gay club in town, in drag as usual. Several guys wanted to dance with me, which was nice! All of a sudden one of the guys I had danced with came up to me and asked if I was a guy, when I said yes he acted all shocked, surprised and a little upset, I was lucky he didn't want to punch me! But I was a little surprised myself that he could have mistaken me for a girl, I'm not that feminine and the wig I was wearing is not very real-looking. And he was at a gay club, he should have seen it coming! Although I got a feeling that he wasn't there to hit on guys. I think he was just there with his friends, some of whom may or may not have been more queer than he was, he might not even have known that it was a gay club. It's in a bar that is not a gay club most of the time, it only turns into a gay club once a month. This means that a lot of straight people come in to the bar without knowing that it's a gay club, which is ok most of the time, but sometimes it gets a bit annoying. Like when they show you the finger because they thought you were a girl! By the way, the guy looked like he was in serious shock after I had revealed myself as a guy. He had to be comforted by his female friends, I hope they told him to get over himself and stop being such a transphobe! Anyway, although I did get a little disappointed and annoyed by his reaction I also felt a little pleased that he could actually mistake me for a girl! Seems like I'm passing better than I thought! or maybe he was really bad at telling the difference between a real girl and a guy in a skirt with make-up and a cheap wig!

And I've been having an argument/discussion with a friend (via e-mail) about whether gender roles will still exist in a socialist/communist society, where there isn't any oppression of women. He thinks that you can't know whether there will be any gender roles or not. I think that if there are gender roles under socialism/communism then neither men or women will be completely free of oppression. Only problem is that his answers are too short and often only answers a tiny part of what I've been writing, plus he sometimes seems to misunderstand me, and my answers tend to degenerate into mild criticism/insults against him for being straight! Which doesn't help his understanding of what I'm writing! It's lucky we are really good friends, or it could get ugly...:)

And in other news, my 16 year old sister is turning into a racist and makes racist slurs against her half south american/half russian boyfriend! She is herself part german by the way (on her fathers side so we don't share that blood). Some months ago her boyfriend jokingly told her that Russia is better than Germany because they have beaten Germany at war like three times or something. My sister got a little upset and wrestled him and gave him a mild beating up! It wasn't really serious, but it was fun to watch! I think if Germany had been more like my sister and Russia more like her boyfriend history could have had quite a different outcome! First Germany would have beaten Russia and then Russia would have given Germany a kiss! And she's not really turning into a racist, at least not yet, I think she's just a bit confused and prejudiced, but hopefully that will change with age, and maybe me talking a little sense into her. Although I'm hoping that her boyfriend is doing that already.

Current Mood: awake
Sunday, September 18th, 2005
2:01 am
Mitt barnsliga leende
Because I feel like it and because it's easier I will start making journal entries in swedish. I won't give you a complete translation of all of it, bur let's just say that it's about how I feel like I never grow up. I'm the Eternal Teenager!

Läser Per Hagmans senaste bok ”Att komma hem ska vara en schlager”. Känner igen mig, trots att hans liv och mitt är väldigt olika. Det jag kan känna igen mig är dels att inte känna sig som hemma någonstans, fast till skillnad från honom har jag inte flyttat runt utan har hållit mig till Uppsala med omnejd under de senaste 20+ åren. Kan också delvis känna igen mig passionen för lyx och glamour, även om jag inte är lika extrem som Hagman. Fast jag är nog mer en älskare av den medelklassiga akademikervänsterns diskreta charm, trots att jag känner större solidaritet med arbetarklassen och ofta önskar att jag tillhörde den. Men det som jag kan känna igen mig mest med Hagman är känslan att vara den eviga tonåringen, mannen med det barnsliga leendet, den lättroade betraktaren. Och ensamheten i mängden, att vara ensam trots att man har en massa människor omkring sig. Fast Hagman är betydligt mera social än vad jag är så jag är faktiskt ännu mera ensam. Fan, det här blir inget bra, jag får inte fram det jag vill säga, så istället för att hela tiden jämföra mig med och referera till Hagman så ska jag försöka skriva i hans anda. Det här är min ”Att komma hem ska vara en schlager”.

Jag är den eviga tonåringen, oavsett hur gammal jag blir känner jag mig som 15, högst 19, när det gäller vissa saker känner jag mig ännu yngre än så. En anledning till att jag fortfarande kan uppskatta och roas av ungdomsfilmer och ungdomsböcker, eller ungdomskultur överhuvudtaget. Fast samtidigt kan jag ha rätt så avancerad smak och läsa svåra böcker om politik, historia, sexualitet, feminism, queerteori etc. Fast det är väl också rätt så typiskt för tonåringen, att gilla svåra saker och vara lite pretto. Läsa Karin Boye och ha ångest som Jonas Gardell skulle säga. Fast just Karin Boye har jag faktiskt inte läst så mycket av, men hon finns på min att-läsa-lista, och i min bokhylla förstås. Men för att återgå till min eviga tonår. Jag är 32 år men ser ut som högst 25, en del har till och med gissat på 20 (och det var så sent som i somras). Min ”styvfarmor” kallar mig och min lillasyster för ungdomarna, fast hon är i och för sig i den åldern då alla under 65 är ungdomar! Jag föredrar dock oftast att umgås med min 15-åriga lillasyster framför att umgås med dem vuxna när jag är hemma hos mamma. Nästan alla mina kompisar är betydligt yngre än mig. På jobbet har jag större sympati med mina arbetskamraters tonårsdöttrar än med mina arbetskamrater, även om jag har sympati för mina arbetskamrater också. På jobbet verkar jag för övrigt ha lättare att få kontakt med de som är antingen yngre eller äldre än mig. De som är i samma ålder som mig har jag betydligt svårare att få kontakt med, trots att de i flera fall är personer som jag har mer gemensamt med än många av dem som är äldre, men som pratar med mig mer än vad de som är i min ålder gör. En anledning kan vara att jag är en singelkille och nästan alla tjejer i min ålder på jobbet är gifta eller har långvarig sambo. Överhuvudtaget verkar många tjejer i min ålder vara gifta eller ha långvarig sambo, en del har till och med barn, scary!

Det är ett annat område där jag fortfarande är som en tonåring, singel och inga barn. Inte ens erfarenhet av tidigare förhållanden! Jag är inte bara den eviga tonåringen, jag är den eviga singeln också! Fast till skillnad från många andra eviga singlar i min ålder så har jag inte haft en massa sex. Jag kan nästan tycka att det är lite imponerande att jag har lyckats hålla mig så länge, det är ju inte som att jag har försökt! Jag har inget emot sex före äktenskapet och tycker inte att det är något fel med one-night stands. Jag är faktiskt väldigt öppensinnad när det gäller sex och tycker att så länge alla är med på det så är det väl inga problem. Jag tror också på att prova allt åtminstone en gång för man vet ju aldrig om man kommer att gilla det förrän man har provat. Eller ok, jag är lite tveksam till kiss och bajs sex, och så har jag lite fobi för att bli kladdig, så matsex går bort. Hm, fast sex har väl en tendens att bli kladdigt även utan mat? Det skulle kunna vara en förklaring! Fast ändå inte, tror att jag skulle kunna stå ut med att bli lite kladdig just i den situationen faktiskt.
Anyway, jag verkar ha svårt för tjejer (och killar med till viss del) i min egen ålder och ibland får jag en känsla av att de har lite svårt för mig också. Kanske därför att de flesta i min ålder är stadgade med partner, barn, fast jobb, villa, bil etc. Många av dem hänger inte längre med i den nya musiken och tittar inte på de senaste tv-serierna, dokusåporna, filmerna etc. Hur många i min ålder är helt frälsta i Buffy t ex? Hur många i min ålder har fortfarande idoler vars minsta steg de följer i tidningar, på tv, på internet osv? Hur många i min ålder går ut och dansar på inneställena? Hur många killar i min ålder skulle vilja sminka sig och se ut som en gothrockare 24/7? Ok, allra helst skulle jag vilja se ut som en riot-grrl, men det skulle nog bli lite väl mycket.

Jag känner mig ofta som ett ufo, oavsett om jag är med yngre, äldre eller folk i min ålder. Antingen är jag den enda över 30, eller så är jag den enda som är vänster, eller så är jag den enda som är politiskt aktiv, eller så är jag den enda som är hbt, eller så är jag den enda som är transa, eller så är jag den enda som har universitets/högskoleutbildning, eller så är jag den enda som gillar både Beatles och Christina Aguilera, eller så är jag den enda som tittar på Buffy, eller så är jag den enda som inte går ut bara för att ragga, eller så är jag den enda som vill prata allvar, eller så är jag den enda som läser böcker, eller så är jag den enda som fortfarande köper cd-skivor och inte har hela min musiksamling i datorn, eller så är jag den enda som inte känner mer än en person på festen/i sällskapet osv. Jag känner mig alltid lite utanför, jag är aldrig riktigt med i gemenskapen.

Jag har många bekanta men få riktiga vänner. Och till och med de som jag ser som mina vänner träffar jag vanligtvis alldeles för sällan. Jag känner mig ofta som en gäst i andras liv när jag träffar kompisar, går på fest med dem, går ut med dem, eller gör något annat med någon som jag känner. Det är väldigt få personer som jag har någorlunda kontinuerlig kontakt med, nästan ingen faktiskt. De flesta som jag känner träffar jag högst en gång i månaden om ens det.

Jag har en tendens att älta det som har varit istället för att koncentrera mig på nuet eller tänka på framtiden. Jag kunde länge komma ihåg varje gång som jag hade varit full, jag vet inte om jag ska se det som bra eller dåligt att jag inte längre kan det. Jag roar mig ofta med att gå igenom olika saker i mitt förflutna. Antal vänner jag har haft som jag har tappat kontakten med, antal tjejer jag har varit kär i men aldrig fick, antal tjejer som jag ville prata med men aldrig sa något till. Hur och varför jag blev bi, hur och varför jag blev transa. Vad jag gjorde förra året. Vad jag önskar att jag hade gjort under de senaste tio åren. Vilka jag har pussat, vilka jag har hånglat med, vilka som har dött. Hittills har bara en av de sammanlagt 5 tjejer som jag har pussat (släktingar räknas inte) dött, det känns tryggt.

Current Mood: pensive
Sunday, August 21st, 2005
12:37 am
I lost my little sister
Went to a free concert held by a radio station in Stockholm with my sister and her friends today. They disappeared rather quickly and now I don't know where the are, but I know they are in Knivsta somewhere. Anyway, I saw Timbuktu, September, Velvet, Latin Kings and Craig David among others. I missed Robyn because I was in line waiting to go to the toilet at McDonalds at the time. But I saw her at Pride a couple of weeks ago (singing Dolly Parton songs!) so that was kind of ok. What about the ones I did see? Timbuktu was good, but not as good as he usually is. September sounded like she was about to loose her voice any minute, but other than that she was ok. Velvet wasn't that good. Latin Kings were good, but not great. Craig David isn't my kind of guy so I didn't listen very much, although I did move my feet a little, so he can have been all bad.

By the way, speaking of Pride. At Pride House I saw a british artist called Rosie Lugosi. She's a lesbian vampire queen (although actually she is bisexual) and sings songs about being queer, feminist and sucking blood! I love her! I wanted to buy her album but unfortunately she hasn't released any, just a single,which I tried but failed to buy and download online. She does covers of famous songs but she changes the lyrics so they become about the things that she likes, or wants to sing about. And she does it in a very sarcastic, ironic, funny and often bloody way. Just an example (not the best one since I've forgotten how most of the lyrics went):

(to be sung to the tune of John Lennons Jealous Guy)
Yes I meant to hurt you
you knew that I would make you cry
yes I was born to hurt you
I'm just a callous bi

If anybody knows where or how to get hold of lyrics to her songs or even better recordings of her songs I would be a very happy queer!

Ooh, that sounded like my sister coming home! So now I'm gonna go up and yell at her! No I'm not, but let's pretend I did ok:)

Current Mood: chipper
Thursday, August 18th, 2005
1:20 am
Does anybody even notice, does anybody even care?
Don't have time to write anything long but only want to say this. I can understand that I fall in love with people and I can at least imagine that people could fall in love with me, but what I don't understand is how anybody I fall in love with could fall in love with me. I mean the likelyhood is pretty small. Frannkly I don't understand how people can fall in love with each other at all. I think it's a big conspiracy. Nobody is really with the person that they really love, they are just pretending because they don't want to be alone. Or maybe it's just me.

I've been thinking about becoming asexual, it would make my life so much easier to live. Because if I didn't want to have sex then I wouldn't mind the fact that I'm not having sex and I wouldn't have to think about it or get depressed about it. So yeah, asexuality is the way to go. But only if nobody wants to have sex with me.

They say things comes to you when you stop looking for them, love for example. So that means it will never come to me!?

No special reason for writing all this, just felt it was time for another one of my whiny rants.

Current Mood: melancholy
Wednesday, May 18th, 2005
12:03 am
The story of my life
Went to dinner with my co-workers last night to celebrate the birthdays of two of them, one had just turned 30 and the other 40. So we went to a really expensive restaurant which cost me way too much.

At the restaurant something happened which really says a lot about how my life is and has always been. When we sat down at the table I tried to get a seat as close to some of the younger (young here is 29-32) girls as possible since I like to talk to them, or listen while they talk as is more often the case. But of course one of the few guys at the dinner manage to sit himself down between me and one of the girls and to top it off one of the other guys was sitting in front of me at the other side of the table, which meant that whenever they talked to each other and not the girls I couldn't hear what the girls was talking about. I usually prefer talking to or listening to girls/women, they usually talk about things that interest me, while guys/men often talk way too much about things that doesn't interest me. Also, I'm kind of interested in one of the girls who was sitting at the table to the right (my right) of the guy who was sitting in front of me, but he was constantly talking to the guy who was sitting to the right of me at my side of the table, so it would have been very hard for me to talk to her (even if I had tried, which I didn't, I was gonna, but the moment when I thought I had something to say to her came and went before I had gotten up the courage to say anything). Ok, I guess I could have asked the guy sitting next to me if we could switch places since I wanted to talk to the girls more than them, but that would have been kind of rude. Anyway, this always happens to me, I always end up sitting next to the wrong people and then I'm stuck with them for the rest of the evening/day/week/month/year/life. And I can't get up and sit somewhere else because then I will have revealed that I prefer other people over them and that's not polite, or something. Ok, maybe it doesn't always happen, I do get to sit beside the people I want to sit next to sometimes, and sometimes (more and more often lately) I do get up and sit somewhere else when the company gets boring (like when my male co-workers start talking sports or cars).

Another thing that happened at the dinner, or rather after it, which is also typical for my life was when some of us were going to a bar to have a drink after the dinner. Almost right away at the end of the dinner one of the girls started asking people if they were going to come and have a drink with her and two other girls. But it took quite a while before she asked me, and when she did it it was only because I was standing right next to her as she was trying to persuade one of the other guys that he should come. You're coming too, right, she said to me. Ok, maybe she didn't just ask me just because I was standing right next to her, but if I hadn't stayed and lingered at the restaurant instead of leaving right away like I could have and usually do, she might not have asked. Or maybe she would have, but she definitely/probably wouldn't have continued to ask me and tried to persuade me to change my mind, like she did with the other guys. People always never do that with me. Although that may be because they usually don't have to. In fact I think that she probably took it for granted that I was gonna come with them and that's why she didn't ask me right away. But still, sometimes I feel like I'm being either taken for granted or forgotten about way too often. But I like to whine about it so it's ok! No it's not, but I can pretend.

I also hardly spoke a word all evening and while I felt like I got to know some of them a little better, because I listened to them talking all or at least large parts of the evening, none of them probably felt like they got to know me any better, since I said so little. Although it is funny, sometimes I get the feeling that people think that I have been part of the conversation even though I haven't said a word. Like I remember one time when I was having lunch with or at the same table as two co-workers and they were talking about something, I was listening and at least one of them did occasionally look my way as if I was part of the conversation, but I didn't say a word. Later that day when we were having coffee one of the co-workers from lunch started mentioned to one of the other co-workers who hadn't been to lunch with us something about what she and the other co-worker had been talking about at lunch and she said something like "we were talking about this during lunch" and as she said that she looked at me, as if it had been her and me who had been talking about it or at least as if I had been an active part of the conversation. I mean, it's not a big deal and I actually like it when I get to feel like I'm included in the workplace, because way too often I feel like I'm not really part of the group, but it's kind of funny how people sometimes include me even though my participation is very small and silent. But I'm really not complaining. In fact, sometimes I think that just existing in the same place as other people can make them eventually start seeing you as a friend and start talking to you as if they know you and you know them. It's a very slow way to make friends though, be in the same room until they eventually gets used to your presence and starts talking to you because they think that you are a friend or something!

And speaking of people talking to you because they think you are their friend, today a woman said hi to me and introduced herself to me outside of the elevator as I was going up to my apartment. Unfortunately I live on the third floor and she was going to the seventh floor, so there wasn't enough time for me to come up with anything more to say to her. I would have wanted to though, she looked really cool and she had a really cool walk (we got off the bus at the same time and she was walking right in front of me), she walks like a man and for some reason I find that really attractive. Her handshake was kind of like a mans too. Which makes me worried that she might be a lesbian, I sure don't hope so, for my sake. And this wasn't the first time I've seen her walking to the building that I live in, so I presume that she lives at the seventh floor in my building, which means that I will hopefully get to see her again and even more hopefully get to talk to her some more, more than that I dare not hope for at this moment. Oh, and I got her name too, so if I want to I could go up to the seventh floor and say hi or leave a message or something, or at least get her last name and do a search on the internet to see if there's any information there. Yes, I am somewhat of a stalker, but a very friendly and totally harmless one at that. And now I really hope that nobody I know (and have stalked) reads this!

Current Mood: thoughtful
Thursday, March 17th, 2005
3:13 am
A meme is a terrible thing to waste
Via lilith_morgana I saw that mctabby had created a meme of Pure Evil and while I usually don't do these kinds of things this one was too good/horrible to pass.

I, Lentrot, do solemnly swear that my favorite HP character is Hermione Granger and one of my least favorite characters is Vernon Dursley. The mere thought of them doing naughty things together makes me dig my eyes and brain out with spoons. However... given sufficient crack and all the booze in this universe here's how a Hermione/Vernon shag might happen (though I want absolutely nothing to do with any filthy links you sick perverts might have to this pairing, do you hear me!)

Necessary plot device or deus ex machina:
Hermione has to sell her body in order to be able to afford to stay at Hogwarts.
Who makes the first move:
Vernon of course, paying for sex is the only way he ever gets any these days. Alternatively, he has a thing for young girls but young girls don't have a thing for him, so he has to pay for it.
Positions and/or kinks:
Semi-con, she's doing it for the money, but she's not happy about it. Positions? I'm thinking either Vernon takes Hermione from behind or Hermione fucks Vernon with her wand, from behind, either way Hermione doesn't have to look at Vernons face, which is of the good. In the latter scenario she does have to look at his ass though... I'm saying no more!
Afterglow:
Vernon falls asleep. Hermione takes the money and runs. Since the horrible vision of Vernons ass has scarred her for life she chooses to become a man-hating lesbian feminist, hopefully/probably together with Ginny Weasley.
Would I actually read or write this?:
Never! I did use to like torturing my girls (in my stories!), but that was a long time ago and I've changed my ways. Herminny on the other hand I have read with great satisfaction and wouldn't mind writing.
Friday, November 26th, 2004
1:40 am
Better late than never
What happens when you leave a Lentrot drunk and home alone with a webcam on Halloween? Look under Halloween 2004 on this page if you want to find out. I should add that I had been out to a club with friends before that so I hadn't gotten drunk all alone and miserable or something.
Thursday, October 21st, 2004
11:53 am
One solution Revolution!
So, yeah, I'm back from London. Actually I have been back since sunday but I haven't had the time or whatever to update until now. But anyway, London was fun, although not as fun as I had hoped. The first part of the week I spent at my cousins house/apartment, which was a bit weird because she had just broken up with her boyfriend who was also living there and he and the other people who lived in the house was looking for a replacement for my cousin who was moving out by the end of the month! But everyone was really nice to me, including the ex-boyfriend, who seemed to take the break-up extremely well. I spent the first three days searching the streets of London for Beatles bootlegs, going to several record stores. I found nothing! Except some interview cd's and unofficial videodocumentaries of unknown quality. I ended up buying one cd with Beatles pressconferences from 1966, a Beatles documentary on video and a Lennon documentary on dvd. I also bought a book, Possesion by A.S. Byatt, totally non-Beatles related.

Wednesday me and a friend/comrade from Sweden (let's call him Trotspice) went to the Workers Power/League for the Fifth International head quarters to ask if we could be of any service. They didn't need/want our help at the moment so we went bookshopping instead. We went to Bookmarks, the book store of the SWP (Socialist Workers Party), where my friend spent a small fortune on books about war and revolution. I almost bought three books but in the I only bought one, Year one of the Russian Revolution by Victor Serge. A couple of minutes later I bought another book in another book store near by, Writings of Leon Trotsky 1934-1935. After that we had a very good lunch at Pizza Hut, which I had never been to before, very tasty, too bad we don't have Pizza Hut in Uppsala, I would eat there everyday! Later in the evening we went to a meeting with the L5I (League for the Fifth International), it was good I guess. After that we went with the other comrades to a pub and had a couple of beers. I was convinced that the waitress was black and came from Jamaica, whenever I just heard her voice and didn't look at her that is, everytime I actually looked at her it was clear that she was very much white and probably came from some country in Eastern Europe!

Thursday I spent a very large part of the day queuing to register at/for the ESF, fortunately I had three swedish comrades keeping me company. After a while we were joined by Trotspice who had been at a meeting or something. Once we had registered we all went to Pizza Hut and had lunch. Then me, Trotspice and one of the other swedes (a girl called Liv) went to the Millenium dome, because that was where we were going to sleep for the rest of the week! The Millenium dome, for those of you who don't know it, is a huge building that was built just in time for the millenium for partying in, or so I have been told. It looks like a globe on the outside and like an air hangar on the inside. When we were there it was completely empty except for some fences that partioned the building into different "rooms". Only each "room" was really huge and could hold several hundred people. There was no chairs, tables, beds or any other kind of furniture. Sleeping was done directly on the hard cement floor. I would say there was many hundreds maybe thousand people living in the dome over the weekend, and yet the majority of the dome was not filled, so quite a huge place. Not very good toilets and showers though. The water that came out of the tap in the toilets was so small that you could hardly get a finger wet, let alone two hands. The showers were a bit better, the water pressure was ok, although you had to press a button every 30 seconds for the water to come, and it was actually quite warm for at least the first 3 minutes. And speaking of water, what's up with the british tap system? One tap for hot water and one tap for cold water. Haven't you heard that nowadays you can actually get warm and cold water from the same tap, and mix them to get a temperature that you agree with!? Ok, some toilets had only one tap, but then very often you couldn't regulate the temperature so you had to stick with whatever you got. It is possible that there are parts of London that are more modern, but certainly I never went there.

But anyway, I'm loosing track of my story here. On friday (we are skipping the part of thursday where Trotspice is trying to use pamphlet/paper selling as a way to meet girls) it was time for the ESF. For strategical reasons all members of the L5I was divided into different teams that was supposed to cover different meetings. I was the only swede in my team so I got a little lonely after a while. Also several of the people that were supposed to be in my team never showed so eventually our team leader said that we could do whatever we wanted, the team quickly disrupted. I went to a couple of seminars and listened to people talking in many different languages and try to stay awake long enough to hear the translations but sometimes the translators were so bad that I could hardly understand what they were talking about. The best was when the speakers spoke english because then I had no trouble at all understanding them and I didn't have to have those silly headphones on me to hear the translator. Among the more interesting seminars was one about Brazil and the Lula government and another about life after capitalism. I also had the luck to be at the front seats when some anarchists came in and disrupted a plenary about fascism. The plenary was just about to start when a number of anarchists (or autonomus activists or whatver they called themselves, someone said they were womblies, but that didn't help much) marched in and took over the stage. The mayor Ken Livingstone was supposed to speak which was one of the things they were protesting against. The following is a quote from somebody on the internet, cause I'm to lazy to formulate it myself:

"activists from autonomous centres organised an invasion of the main hall at alexandra palace to bring attention to the exclusive nature of the london esf compared to other european esfs in the past, and to report the police intimidation of activists at autonomous centres this weekend. Around 150 activists succesfully stormed the palace, took the stage, put up banners, and held a rapt audience for half an hour with various speakers at the microphone. security looked on hopelessly, while speakers explained in several languages (and with the help of volunteer translators) the reasons for their invasion.
They reported that while ken livingstone supports the esf, the various autonomous centres and squats around london have been victim to continual police harrassment, and any large groups of people have been prevented from leaving centres at once. Another speaker pointed out that ken livingstone is a card-carrying member of the labour party, the party that took us to war for oil! After nearly half an hour, the activists asked everyone to join them in solidarity leaving the building, and left as one group chanting 'solidarity' while some delegates followed. Once outside, the group began a reclaim the streets march, and true to form, the police responded violently. two witnesses told me that police had beaten activists and some had been arrested. around a hundred activists continued their march down the park towards 'beyond esf' followed by several police vans."

As far as I could see the audience was divided into three different groups. Some were booing and telling them they should get off the stage so that the meeting could go on/start, some were cheering and some were just looking in amazement at the whole thing. One guy sat and read a paper, but I think he was the only one who did that. I myself acted as a L5I spy and tried to figure out what they wanted and whether I should go get my comrades. While I agree with some of their critique of the ESF I'm not sure that their method of protesting was the best, also they were a bit unclear on what the alternative should be. And even if they had been clear on what their alternative would have been I have a feeling that I wouldn't have agreed with them, they didn't look like they were going to call for the building of a new revolutionary communist international based on the thoughts of Marx, Lenin and Trotsky. Anyway, it was fun. This was saturday by the way so I've jumped ahead a little. Also on saturday I took a good look at some of the things you could by or get for free from the many organisations that had stalls at the ESF. In the end I didn't by that Anti-Capitalista t-shirt I had been eyeing though, instead I bought 4 books, Street fighting years by Tariq Ali, Birth of our power by Victor Serge, Women, race and class by Angela Davis and Bad girls and dirty pictures the challenge to reclaim feminism edited by Alison Assiter and Avedon Carol. The last book I mentioned is a book a that is against the anti-porn part of feminism, I'm looking forward to reading it, in fact I have already started.

I went home to Sweden early on sunday morning and therefore missed the Assembly of social movements and the demonstration, which was kind of a pity, I would have liked to march down the streets of London shouting One solution Revolution! But I wanted the cheap flight and I didn't want to have to stay until monday and miss more work. Anyway, all in all it was a rather nice week, even though I didn't get to hang out with my friends as much as I had hoped and I didn't get to talk with any of the really cute members of the L5I (except Liv, but I get to talk to her in Sweden too) and I didn't meet the girl of my dreams or I might have met her but she kept talking to my friend and didn't say a word to me!

Oh yeah, one of my cousins flatmates was really cute but I didn't get to talk to her much and another of her flatmates (also of the female persuasion) called me darling and sweetheart! Although I do think she called almost everybody darling, sweetheart or in some cases honey. Anyway, it was kinda nice:) She also said "we love you" when the toiletpaper was out and I revealed that I had some toiletpaper with me!:)

Current Mood: accomplished
Thursday, October 7th, 2004
4:17 am
Bootlegs in London?
Just a quick update to ask a question and let some of you know I'm still alive! This is the deal: I'm going to London for the ESF (European Social Forum) next week. But I will arrive already on sunday and the ESF doesn't start until thursday or something. So I'm planning on doing some major Beatles cd bootlegs shopping, among many other things. Problem is I have no idea where in London you can find Beatles bootlegs, or any kind of bootlegs at all. So if anybody who reads this has that kind of information I would be glad to hear.

Also, it's kind of a pity that none of the people that I know on Livejournal lives in London, because then I could have met you!

Not much more to say right now I think. I might give you a report on how it went when I come back. Or if I find a computer in London I might update from there! Although I find that very unlikely. That I will update while in London that is. I almost count on finding at least one computer.

Current Mood: sleepy
Sunday, August 22nd, 2004
2:05 am
My phone voice is passing!
Had to make this an entry of it's own. Yesterday, friday that is, I called a youth hostel in Borås to see if they had any beds available for the first and/or second september because I have to be in Borås then for my distance studies. The woman who answered said that there was one bed available, but it was in a room full of boys and as she put it: "but you're not a boy are you?" Yay, the rest of me might look all too guyie but at least my vice sounds like a girl! Maybe I should wear a veil the next time I go out as a girl?!:)

By the way, I of course told the woman/girl (sorry Gayle but to me any woman under 30 is a girl, although I don't mean it derogatory) that I was actually a guy. So now I have somewhere to sleep in Borås and won't have to commute from Gothenburg every day like I've done the previous times I've been to Borås! That wouldn't have been possible anyway though, since my brother is probably moving from Gothenburg before the first of september so then I won't be able to sleep in Gothenburg.

Also a little ps, why is it called youth hostel? As far as I know you don't have to be a youth to stay in one of them. At least not here in Sweden. And apparently just hostel means something quite different. Not that it mattered much or at all when I called the youth hostel since here in Sweden its called vandrarhem which has got no reference to youth at all.

Current Mood: sleepy
1:49 am
I'm bored, Episode 1 bored...
Never go out with a friend who is prettier and femaler than you, at least not if you are a shy and ugly guy. I spent the best part of the evening watching and waiting as my female friend got lucky with some guy. The guy was actually kind of cute, and so was his male friend. Unfortunately it was a straight bar not a gay bar. And then there was karaoke, I thought that would be even more boring than watching my friend being felt up. But it was actually kind of fun. But I still really wish I had gone home earlier.

Before that I was at the Fyris festival and saw Moneybrother and Raymond & Maria. Or heard is more accurate, I didn't have a ticket and didn't want to pay a lot of money so I stood outside the gates and listened. It was ok, at times even more boring than what was going to happen later in the evening. All the time I kept repeating in my head, "I'm bored, Episode 1 bored". Unfortunately I didn't have anybody to say it to, my friend who I was there with doesn't watch Buffy, she gets nightmares from it!

Current Mood: blah
Sunday, August 8th, 2004
10:15 pm
Pride, drag and attackdykes!
I guess I should tell you about my visit to the Pride-festival the other week. It was fun! Lots of music and performances and people of all sexual persuasions, even straight ones! There was some political and academic stuff as well but I totally missed that. I had trouble with finding somewhere to sleep in Stockholm where the festival was so the first night I slept in the house of a guy who my friend had picked up in a straight bar! I slept in the cellar, my friend slept with the guy! The next night I didn't sleep at all so I went back to Uppsala in the morning to get some sleep. Among the most fun parts of the festival was Wigstockholm, which is a dragqueen contest where they decide who is going to be Miss Pride. I got to see a lot of really good dragqueens and dragkings perform.

I also got to see Gunther, a mock-german disco singer with a very sexy mullet!:) Apart from his "hits" he also did Touch me! Not as good as when Samantha Fox did it at last years Pride but that goes without saying:) His dancers were very nice though!

For the Pride-parade on the saturday I dressed up in the only skirt and top I have and put on some make-up, all in the toilet at the central train station! It was very warm and the make-up got all sweaty, I looked hot, but not in a sexy way! I walked in the "red front" part of the parade together with other socialists and lots of red flags! It felt mostly good to go there, although sometimes I felt a little like a circus attraction with all the people at the sides watching as the parade went by. It has to be said though that most of the people who come to watch the parade seem to do it because they want to show their support for the GLBT-community. And the nazis kept away from the parade this year, unlike last year when they attacked it. So all in all it was a good parade I think.

After the parade I went into Pride-park, the place where most of the festival took place. There I met a friend of mine and hung out with her and some of her friends. One of her friends told me that he was appalled by the behaviour of what he called attackdykes. They are usually young with short hair, tattoos and piercings. According to this guy they have no manners and walk through crowds like they are the only ones that matters and if you don't watch out you get an elbow in your stomach! So I tried to not get in their way every time I saw one. I thought they were kind of cute though, but I still wouldn't want to get in their way:)

Anything else that I can say about Pride Stockholm 2004? No except... You had to be there!!!

Current Mood: reminiscing
Saturday, August 7th, 2004
11:23 pm
What's the use of anything?
I've got plenty of time of my own... You know, as much as I miss sex, the thing I miss the most is really just having another person to talk to, preferably somebody with the same interests, opinions, values etc as myself. I mean, most of the time I don't even have that. All my friends are either too busy or living in another town or don't want to talk to people or aren't allowed to talk to people or I just don't know them well enough to feel like I can call them for no reason at all just to talk to them. I need more friends I think. But how do I get them? I'm lousy at making new friends. I'm much better at driving people away from me, making them stop calling or wanting to see me. Even when I don't want to, or especially when I don't want to.

Current Mood: lonely
Tuesday, June 8th, 2004
2:19 pm
The Lenins
I had a really funny dream last night! I dreamt that Lenin and Trotsky had formed a band. Lenin sang and played drums, Trotsky played the guitar and sang a little too. They called themselves The Lenins! Unfortunately I can't remember if they sounded any good or what they sang or what any of the songs were called. I'm not even sure if they played pop or rock or maybe punk. I'm not even sure if they were the only members or if any other members of the politbureau were in the band too. But it was fun too see Lenin play the drums, I think he was quite good at it. And he could play drums and sing at the same time, so that's good.

I actually have a friend who formed a one-man band called The Lenins. Wonderfully out of tune songs about the life of Trotsky, the permanent revolution and class war among other things, accompanied by acoustic guitar. I have them on mp3 if anybody is interested. Unfortunately for you english speaking people they are all in swedish. Except of course for the soon to be classic We are the Lenins, not, as you might have thought, sung to the tune of We are the robots. Includes some of the worst falsetto singing I have ever heard! Which only makes it better, I like out of tune falsetto screaming!
Tuesday, May 18th, 2004
10:42 pm
Yoko for gay marriages
I just want to say that right now Yoko Ono ís the coolest woman in the world. If you don't believe me read this:

"Wholly confirmed are remixes of yet another Ono recording: "Every Man Has a Woman Who Loves Him," which is culled from John Lennon and Ono's 1980 album "Double Fantasy."

For its new incarnation, Ono recut vocals in light of the current gay marriage debate. So, in addition to its original title, there is now "Every Man Has a Man Who Loves Him" and "Every Woman Has a Woman Who Loves Her" -- as well as "Every Woman Has a Man Who Loves Her."

"In such difficult times, we should be celebrating those that want to consummate their love for each other," Ono says of the controversy surrounding gay marriage. "We should not be adding to the suffering.""

I don't think I need to say much more, except that I will get a hold of this remix version by any means necessary!
Friday, April 16th, 2004
3:50 am
I'm sultry
According to at least one person this is sexy, and I'm inclined to agree with her:

sexy me

But she also thinks these glasses look sexy so...:)

in my glasses
1:08 am
It's a trot in drag!
Yeah,I finally did it! Got somebody to take a picture of me in drag. It was fun. Here is one of the pictures.

me in drag

More pictures of me are at Pictures of a trot See especially the transtrot pics, they are my favorites.

Aren't I cute?!:) I mean honestly, I think I look a lot better with make-up than without, I wish I could wear it all the time, but unfortunately most people don't think that make-up on guys is sexy and I care too much about what most people think to wear make-up other than when I go to gay clubs. Which is just as well since gay clubs are one of the few places where people might actually think that it's not only ok for a guy to wear make-up but might even think that it looks good too. And speaking of gay clubs, what you see here is what I wore the last time I went to the local gay club in Uppsala.

And here is one more picture just to make you happy:)


the transtrot smiles

Current Mood: accomplished
Wednesday, March 31st, 2004
12:38 am
OKcupid
Just because these tests are so fun. And it's actually not too far away from the truth.

The Boy Next Door
Random Gentle Love Dreamer (RGLDm)

Kind, yearning, playful, you are The Boy Next Door. You're looking for real Love, a lot like girls do. It might not be manly, but it's sweet.

We think the next three years will be very exciting and fruitful ones for you. Your spontaneous, creative side makes you a charming date, and we think you have a horny side just waiting to shine. Or glisten, rather. You enter new relationships unusually hopeful, and the first moments are especially glorious. If you've had some things not work out before, so what.

On paper, most girls would name the Boy Next Door as their ideal mate. In the real world, however, you're often passed over for more dangerous or masculine men. You're the typical "nice guy:" without just a touch of cockiness, you're doomed with girls. A shoulder to cry on? Okay, sure. But never a penis to hold.

More than any other type, Boys Next Door evolve as they get older. As we said, many find true love, but some fail miserably in the search. These tarnished few grow up to be The Men Next Door, who are creepy as hell, offering backrubs to kids and what not.



I really hope that I won't become The Man Next Door. Have to watch myself next time my 13 soon 14 year old sister and her cute friends want me to play with them...

And that thing about being passed over for the more dangerous and masculine guys, so true. Although I think that many leftwing girls should think that I'm a very Bad Boy (without being too reactionary) and therefore want me. I mean, I eat meat, eat at McDonalds, drink Coca Cola, think that some porn can be ok and I like Britney Spears. I'm bad to the bone! So how come they still don't want me? But maybe I would have more success with born-again christians? My Atheism should make them want me real bad. Only problem is that their christianity tends to make me not want them. I really like bad sinful girls by the way. Although according to OKcupid they are not my type:(

Current Mood: amused
Tuesday, March 30th, 2004
1:16 am
Sex test on thespark.com
Ok, I know these tests aren't true or anything but it would be nice if it was true. According to this test I will have sex with 5 people, well it's better than nothing. 3 will be female and two will be male. But the best part is that the first one will happen at the age of 30, which means this year! Which is extra good considering that last time I took this test it said I was going to be 32 or something. Maybe it's the french kiss I got last year that has bettered my odds:) What makes me a little suspicious though is that it says that it's going to happen in a foreign country, the only foreign country I'll be likely to visit this year is England, as far as I know, but that isn't until in october and in october I won't be 30 anymore. Which would mean that it's not going to happen in London. But where then? I know my mum has been talking about taking the family to Denmark sometime in the summer like she did last year. But that will probably, with my usual luck, be at the same time as Pride week in Stockholm, and I don't want to miss that. And even if I do go to Denmark with my family the chance that I will meet anybody to have sex with seems very unlikely. I mean come on, last time I was in Denmark with my mother, my brother, my sister and my grandparents the only people I met except for them was people either way too young or way too old. I don't think it would be much different this time. So I really doubt the accuracy of that test. But it would be fun if it was true. I mean, I've waited long enough, it feels like it's starting to be time.

Hm, I went back and did the test again, answering some of the questions slightly different but still telling the truth. All of a sudden I will have 6 partners, all female and I will actually love 2 of them. And I should prepare myself for a long and fruitful relationship. Only drawback is that my first time apparently has been postponed until I'm 31 and it will be in the backseat of a car. Not what I hoped for. But still! 31 isn't too far away, and the backseat of a car actually sounds more likely than a foreign country. Even though I don't own a car or even know how to drive. But I'm sure there are lots of women out there who has a car. And anyway it doesn't say that it has to be mine or her car, it could be any car.

Maybe if I do the test one more time it will say that I will have sex with over a hundred people, 30 of which will be men. And that the first one will at the age 50. Or maybe the first one will be 50. Considering the age of the two men I've kissed so far it could go either way really. If I'm desperate. If I'm desperate I will have sex with a 50 year old at the age of 30. If I'm not desperate I will probably have sex with a 30 year old at the age of 50. I almost said 18 year old, but that would probably be going too far.

I'm too tired to change to the page where you can say what mood you're in and what you are listening to. But the mood is tired and the music is Oh you pretty things with David Bowie.
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